The cobalt blue clouds spread their magic bright
The forest trees are richly finding light
Amid narcissus fields in another time
Having eaten dinner early we away go
Wondering through stone and river bed
I turn to him,
He is a sunshine to behold
He promises to return.
From where he is being sent
Perhaps the clouds will comfort
His weary soul and heart
I know he must depart
And yet I hold on tight, for heaven's sake.
Amid the farm, we grew up together
All livestock bred and fed
The field was plowed, the doorways closed.
Our world was safe, I loved you to the end.
This love of my heart. I hold you in my memory.
Yet not knowing how to remember you well.
Alone. I see you in a chair. A kiss farewell,
Before you go to war.
That takes your life forever from me.
So youthful and joyful, we were back then.
Just ice skating hand-in-hand. Another lifetime.
Other names. And Peter understood.
And maybe I did too. We were the ones.
We made a choice to care and stay.
We didn't want, the war to blind us.
To shred our hearts to pieces, yet
The powers that be were told.
Our peaceful countryside.
The peace preserved.
My sweetheart, maybe this God
of Yours is you. He shines in your eyes
I never met a sweeter time.
When we were children. We were
just daffodils and cherubs to behold.
Without much tragedies or tears.
When the bread was bread
And wine was wine.
Who made us so divine?
He did call out to us!
Yes, we are still his at heart!
And chosen by the Higher One.
A good Teacher, he came to be.
Of Elohim, Yahweh, and Adonai.
Who could we be but ourselves?
The Lord had changed us a lot.
Perhaps my Pushkin text did rot.
Or what did Tolstoy said - to justify
the means to rule with iron like he does.
How is it that he spoke to God? How
did he know of our complexity and faith?
What did Pilatus say to Jesus,
Other than come aboard, and stay.
Be a guest in my house, innocence.
He's compassion. By Him life is saved and
given faith to rise again, or lest be never
heard at all. I breath the confidence of God,
who has together wept, woven, and created
day. Or was it goddess? Was it she?
I pray for unity of these spheres.
I pray for elegance each day.
Foe or friend, you know who you are.
If you are the lover of my soul and heart,
remain. But if wickedness and judgement
or scorn do rise, then love you more, but
change your way.
Have faith my darling that this earth is not remorse
It's joy and singing form each day. We just don't hear
them well enough to see.
I know this beauty is another day.
I know this memory gives way.
Yet I faithfully pursue this path.
I see you and I see how this is universe beyond me.
I pray for confidence to be myself and just to be
A faithful heart and to be loved and faithfully love back.
This life is stranger than The Hours, Than whatever else
Is seen and known.
I see this in dimentions and I pray that the Lord keeps me
faithfully and does not harshly change his mind this day.
My learning will be a gradual stairway, yet maybe halls and
There's so much new and so much that I can do.
So much potential to remember this rainy day.
In rain we were conceived, given birth to, and relieved.
I love you.
February 15, 2018.
Copyright, Olga Dvornikova.
Today is Wednesday, January 17th and there is snow outside and on my balcony. The white snowflakes meander and traverse into branches of the trees. The woods become like beautiful paintings from long ago. A forest asleep. Highlighted in white, like rays of light. Covered in a mystical white mist the forest indeed looks enchanted. It's possible that unicorns would be appropriate in these elements since days like today show us the magical aspect of an otherwise mundane world.
It's often so beautiful and calm. It's a peaceful area to observe, but it does not call out to me as much as snow called out to me in childhood. On days like today the neighborhood children do go sledding and it's a joy to see them go. Reminding me that snow will always be a delight for children and a delight to their hearts.
Growing up, I had a great deal to do with snow. Back in my home country, we did not have a car, so I would often walk to and from school (in both cold winter and rain.) For winter we had really warm shoes "valenki" and for rain we had "galoshi." We simply knew how to deal with the various weather elements that nature threw at us. Many generations of surviving in the Russian winters does that were you just grow that understanding.
Most children in United States, myself included, usually did not have to do as much walking to school, but for me it was a vigorous experience. Although I would not want to repeat it now, I remember it with fondness. Sometimes I had even skied to school which was a few miles away. The snow covered the streets so completely that skiing was the only safe method of transportation.
But on a day like today, there is only the question of how to stay warm! There are some ways that I enjoy staying warm:
The Nutcracker story is a classic German fairy tale story about a princess who's toy, the Nutcracker, becomes alive. Through a magical ritual of her uncle, the toy becomes a boy soldier who fights the mouse king and his army. Through countless scenes their childlike innocent love grows for one another. A battle ensues. She helps him defeat the mouse king, and they both travel to a magical world of raindrops, gummy bears, candy canes. It's a really beautiful fairy tale that delighted both our childlike innocent hearts, and our adult sensitive sensibilities as well.
Recently have been following the amazing work that Josh Groban is doing with children in New York City. His organization is called "Find Your Light" foundation. In my own life, music has had a healing aspect. Similarly to the kids, I'm learning to appreciate music for what it is - a beautiful muse for self-expression mostly. I don't have any dreams of acting, broadway or anything to do with acting or singing. But the music itself repeatedly makes itself known to me to the point that I should pay attention. Being a relatively introverted INFJ/INFP I'm rarely desiring to be in front of coworkers or performing on stage. Yet, in my student and professional experience I've often found myself in front of others. Not in the sense of performer, but in the sense of organizational helper. As someone who makes decisions or helps out the person in charge of the organization. In college, I was recruited to help the president of our public speaking organization to promote the public speaking workshops and meetings. Due to my introversion, my process is often working behind the scenes, organizing information, organizing meeting roles, meeting notes and agendas, and mostly I enjoy working on my laptop. I need peace and quiet to get my work done. I'm on the calmer side of life at this point in my life. I relish the sound of the air traveling in my house's air channels and the sound of the keyboard keys as I type. There's no greater pleasure than writing on my computer. The quiet fills me and lets me have some peace and serenity in life. Then, if I need a dose of passion and energy, I turn to Josh Groban's songs, like Happy Xmas (War is over) and his vocals and the beautiful melodies fill my life with beauty and emotion. I truly enjoy his music a lot, and wish him all the confidence and support for his beautiful next album. So if you are in a charitable mood this year and would love to donate to a good cause that benefits children in New York City and across United States and their creativity, perhaps Find Your Light foundation is a good bet.